Christmas Vacation

Loving the after Christmas solitude of having the house to myself. No thermostat battles or any other battles, just quiet or movies playing while I relax. I need this kind of unstructured time to unwind. I feel nourished by it. I hate having my time nearly completely scheduled-that feels like prison for the brain. I need to be alone to recharge. A recurring theme when LeRoy is at home. Makes me wonder what retirement will be like. Will I be able to enjoy it?

A friend of mine died yesterday. He had cancer, which he survived for years with grace and determination. My reaction to his death surprised me. We knew each other for a year over 30 years ago, but got together at reunions several times, the last one a year ago. He seemed to stride through life like a splendid warrior, facing whatever adversaries he met with confidence. He seemed larger than life. Maybe that's the reason that I experienced his death like a punch in the gut. He was strong, beautiful, and brave, like the classical heroes. He was supposed to be the one who could conquer this terrible opponent. He said he was too stubborn to die, and I believed him. He was a hero to his many friends and his family. I imagine him now in the Elysian Fields, with others who died nobly, in combat with powerful adversaries.

Feeling Winterish

Driving home in the dark drizzle, chilly wind blowing, cold feet-for the first time this year it seems like winter. Tomorrow is December first, Christmas decorations are up in some yards and the colored lights are welcome on this dark afternoon. The holidays are a somber time time for me-too many expectations. Makes me want to hibernate until the sun comes out. Makes me wish for a fireplace and a cup of hot cocoa. Makes me wish for Daddy's house with the wood burning in the stove and fresh hot bread coming out of the oven.

Sharing space

I've been off from work for a week, with another week to go. The first week, I worked getting contractors set up for the tree trimming, the blind installation, and the tiling of the bathroom. I picked out tile and scheduled the measuring of the bathroom and the unhooking of the bath tub. I scheduled the installation of the tile. I went to the orthopedist, the orthotist, the urologist, the gynecologist, the general practitioner, the hair stylist and got a mammogram. I hunted for specialty light bulbs that had burned out. I worked on putting things away that are still unpacked. I was exhausted, but did manage to watch a couple of movies I had been wanting to see.
My husband came home on Thursday night, and immediately started his coming home routine of frantic activity, with its constant electronic accompaniment of television and radio. I felt invaded. I lost it-it being my temper, my cool, my mind. I started looking on the internet for noise canceling headphones. I found some and ordered them. I also started planning getaways from the house. I thought of going to our river house with my book, which I probably will do. I thought of ways to design a quiet space in my bedroom for reading. Mostly I felt scared. Not of physical harm, but of feeling trapped. Being trapped is my worst fear-being trapped in my relationship, in my family, in my job, in my aging body with its injuries and pains. When I feel trapped, I feel powerless, which leads to hopelessness, which leads to depression.
We bought this house for its numerous good features, but plentiful space is not one of them. I love my solitude. I love silence, which allows me to relax. I need silence in order to think clearly. Silence nourishes my soul. Without it I feel trapped.

I watched a podcast I think. I probably cheated because Lella had sent a link to me in my email. It was a great sermon on saving the earth. I found another great site on youtube-a satirical Christian speaker named Betty talking about biblical marriage. Betty Bowers explains biblical marriage to everyone else is the name of the video. For something really weird, look at Cathie Jung, who has reduced her waist to 15 inches by wearing smaller and smaller corsets 24 hours a day for 25 years-grotesque!

The 4th July weekend is over, tomorrow is Monday. I've had a busy weekend, lots of people with whom to interact. Now I need some quiet time, but it's back to the kids tomorrow. Leroy will be leaving tomorrow, so I will get some time for myself in the evenings. Two more weeks of the summer program, so we're on the downhill slide to July 17! I'm hoping to take some time off after that. Lots of stuff to do here. We're slowly getting the house in shape-ordered the blinds today, and got an amazing deal on them. They will be here July 28. Supper Club this weekend, and maybe some time for getting things straightened up and cleaned. Loving my book on cd-The Book of Love.

From Lego to Mage

I am usually writing on Saturday, when I have time to hang out. Today I plan to shop for clothes and unpack the last box. I started already unpacking and found myself building with the legos that I found in the box. Yes, we have saved all the many, many legos from the "boys" childhood. They represent a huge investment on our part and countless hours of play on theirs. They also represent the close relationship between them. Legos eventually gave way to role playing games, which have survived to this day as an activity that they share.

This is my experience with RSS. It was not too bad, and I found that I had already subscribed to a blog.

Now I will describe my very interesting life. Today I am trying to get my house ready for the week, but have been sidetracked by facebook and this blog. I did see some lovely pictures of my cousin , her children and grandchildren. Now to organize the recycling!

I am so excited that I have successfully created a blog!

This is better!

Somehow I got this format. I will change it later